How to Choose Groomsmen
Figuring out how to choose your groomsmen crew should be simple, right? It should be your nearest and dearest closest best friends. Your inner circle. It should be simple, but as most men come to find, wedding planning is anything but. Everyone will have an opinion and there may be guys who think they should get the honor of standing up beside you, but really aren’t the guys you’d probably choose. We say, your wedding, your choice brother! Don’t let the expectations of others dictate how your wedding should go. The bride chooses her fabulous entourage, and you choose yours. Just like you wouldn’t have a friend of your parents choose your wedding ring. The decision is yours and yours only. End of discussion.
But what happens when the bride’s entourage is really that? A gaggle of women to your two favorites. The numbers are suddenly uneven and now you’re getting pressured to ask your fiancé’s brother to be a groomsman, your cousin twice removed that happens to be in town that week to be a groomsman, and that old school mate you haven’t seen in ten years that your grandma just adores, just to fill in the spots and make the number in the bridal party even. Except, there’s no hard and fast rule that the number of groomsmen must match the number of bridesmaids. In fact, we’ll let you in on a little secret.
It’s perfectly okay if it doesn’t.
Yes, it might throw things a little off visually or make the walk down the aisle a little off-kilter, but that’s okay. Better to choose quality over quantity because you will be spending a lot of your pre-wedding time with these gentlemen. In these situations, sometimes it’s helpful to ask your best man for advice. Afterall, this is all apart of the best man duties he signed up for. Whomever you choose, you have to first start with a number in mind. With that said…
How Many Groomsmen Should There Be?
Just how many groomsmen should you ask to be in your wedding party, anyway? The truth is, there is no perfect number, it all depends on how many of your closest friends you want standing up alongside you on your special day. A good rule of thumb is to have no more than five groomsmen, including the best man. Groomsmen sometimes perform double duty and take on the role of ushers as well. For a ballpark figure, you could estimate one usher for every fifty guests. So, if your guest list has 350 people on it, you may need more than five groomsmen. Or you may have to choose a couple of extra people just to be ushers.
Another good rule of thumb is to keep the number of groomsmen even to the number of bridesmaids so that every woman has a man to escort her down the aisle. However, this can get dicey if your fiancée has 8 bridesmaids and you’ve only got 3 men in mind for your groomsmen. That means that you have slots to fill and once again, you may end up stuck filling those spots with men that you have no desire to spend any significant amount of time with. If you do find yourself with spots to fill, always start with siblings, both yours and your fiancés, as long as they are of age and it’s appropriate for them to be in the wedding party.
An excellent tip is to really do your best to select men that are actively involved in your life, right now. Yes, it can be tempting to want to ask your bestie from high school or your college roommates, but if you guys only talk twice a year, is he really someone you want playing an active role in this important day? Especially when you have friends in your life right now that you have great relationships with.
Also, don’t forget that you’ll need to select a best man as well. Often it’s a brother you are close to. If you have no siblings, it might be a trusted cousin or a trusted friend. Sometimes you might have more than one trusted friend that could fill the role of best man. It really comes down to just being honest with them both about the duties and expectations and being blunt about the fact that there’s only one best man, and you’ve got to give the guy with seniority first shot at the role, should he be up for the challenge. He might not be, in which case, you can let your other best friend step into the role guilt-free.
At the end of the day, figuring out how to choose groomsmen isn’t rocket science, but it can take some finesse and forethought. Think ahead and plan well. Your wedding depends on it.
Now that you’ve chosen your selected groomsmen from your closest friends and family, it’s time to make it official. It’s always nice to show your appreciation with a custom groomsmen gift for each member in your party. From there, the next thing you’ll have to worry about is planning your bachelor party!